Ending all the BS

Today was my last day of class. The first two-years of my medical education comprising the basic sciences (affectionately known as "BS") will end on Friday, when I take my last professor-written exam. From there on out, all my testing will be done through national board exams. Before starting medical school, there is no way I could have fathomed all that I would be capable of learning in 21 months. It's odd, really...simultaneously appreciating that I have learned so much while profoundly realizing that I know so little.

I've attempted a somewhat half-hearted review of all my previous classes while trying to wrap my head around this last bit of BS I need to learn. As the lecture schedule began to wind down over the last few weeks, I've ramped up the Step Prep just a bit. After all, my first licensing exam is less than 60 days away, and I am keenly aware of knowing so very, very little.

Here's how the next two weeks are shaping up:

• Friday. Exam over block content
• Tuesday. "Customized" shelf exam (somewhat of an oxymoron...the Block Director selects the content area and the National Board of Medical Examiners supplies the questions)
• Thursday. State-wide physicians' conference. I serve on a committee and am expected to attend.
• Monday. Pathology NBME shelf exam
• Tuesday. Pharmacology NBME shelf exam
• Friday. CBSE-2. A repeat of that "are you really ready" assessment required by my school
• Entering into the study cave

It seems as though I've disappeared

When did it become April? It was just moments ago that snow was falling outside my window, and I was enjoying a warm cup of cocoa while crafting my plan-of-attack for USMLE Step 1. 

Some how I have managed to find myself in the middle of the last block of  medical school "basic sciences." This last block covers endocrine and reproductive pathology, and our first exam is just 48 hours away. It seems as though more than half of my classmates have abandoned the drive to "honor" the block by shifting their study time away from the highly-detailed material presented in lectures in favor of focusing on Step 1 prep materials. Though I have long-ago abandoned my desire to honor a block (the equivalent of getting an A+), I am not comfortable with tossing aside lecture material. After all, each and every block must be passed in order to sit for Step 1. The practice exam I took last month let me know that I'm on a path to pass Step. Of course, I want more than the minimal passing score. I even have twinges of guilt that I am not spending more time on Step studying. But given all the other bonus, grown-up, single-mom of teens and 'tweens stuff I've got going on, I keep reminding myself that I'm doing what I can and it seems to be working.

As I emerged from my study-zone at lunch time, I told my daughter that Step is just two months away. She smiled at me and add, "And you aren't allowed to freak out. Remember?" Clearly, I am smarter than I realized; preparing my kids for the inevitable melt-down is beginning to show its benefits.

I feel like I should write about my detailed Step prep strategy, as though that will provide some structure or guidance to another person who finds herself in my shoes. The problem is, I haven't got one. I mean, I have a general plan. But "detailed"? "Structure"? Those aren't really words that describe me. I can make a plan (I have made a plan), but I don't have much confidence in my ability to stick with it. My biggest challenge is that I learn in a rather circuitous manner. Tangential strolls down "what the hell is that?" lane mean that getting through material (whether it is course lectures or prep materials like First Aid or Doctors in Training) always takes me longer than I expect.  

Today's studying so far has gone something like this...

Last Night's Plan: 

1. Pathoma chapters 13, 15, and 16; 
2. Do 500 flashcards on Anki; 
3. Review lecture #16 through #28

Today's Reality:

1. Anki review (I decided to set my timer for 30 minutes)
2. Oh, no! Not the steroid synthesis pathway. Ugh. I don't think this is on Tuesday's exam, but DIT said it was a 5-star topic. To learn or not to learn? Might as well learn. 5-stars! How on earth can I remember 3-beta hydroxysteroid dehydrogenase?
3. 4th web-search since starting Anki. This one is the longest. (Timer beeping!) Wikipedia image to the rescue. I see...it just pops off that little proton. 
4. Back to the Anki deck I made for class. (P.S. I love Anki and wish I started using it earlier.) Ah, yes, questions on 21-hydroxylase insufficiency. Wait a second...I attended lecture 6 live, but I don't think I made all of my questions. 
5. Open PowerPoint for lecture #6 and look for notes on which slides I skipped. Create questions for them in Anki. I have no idea how long this took, but my coffee is frigid. 
6. Lunch
7. My son asks me to search for an email notification I was supposed to recieve. I check multiple accounts. It's not there (though he doesn't seem to believe me), but --oh yeah-- I should probably approve that last comment made on my blog. What? I haven't posted in nearly 3 months! Whatever happened to the time?
8. Here I am. Clearly, I am spending too much time on my blog. Perhaps leaving out pronouns and sentence subjects will save me some time.
9. Small talk with my 10-year-old. Flip through a few more emails and RSVP for an endless number of meetings. 
10. Really? I have to answer a survey about how much Step 1 preparation I am currently engaged in for the Office of Curriculum? I select "less than 10 hours per week" and "less than 250 UWorld quesions completed." Now I feel embarrassed that the ether-god that is collecting this data and shaking his head at my apparent lack of commitment. After all, this is my very first licensing exam. (And the ether-god is obviously a male, because, why? I don't know. He just is.) 
11. Ask my 15-year-old if we can chat about something tomorrow morning on the way to school instead of right now. Remind my 16-year-old for the 3rd time that her uniform is sitting in the dryer and will get more wrinkled the longer she leaves it there.
12. Speaking of reminders, remind myself of the seemingly-forgotten "to do"-- Pathoma (three entire chapters!), 400 flashcards on Anki (woo-hoo! 100 done!), lectures 16-28.
13. End my blog post abruptly since coming up with something tidy and clever just seems to require more mental energy than I can currently spare.
14. Besides, my daughter just gave me four lovely miniature cupcakes topped with spring colors and I can't type and eat them at the same time.